Community Stories
Each month Face of Fifty will share a story from a member of the community. These stories will provide glimpses into their lives navigating the world as a black woman in her fifties. The stories will cover everything from family, health, dating, surviving loss, starting over, and more! We hope these stories inspire and enlighten you.
Dating in Your Fifties by Sylvia Abdullah
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Dating in your fifties can be intimidating, especially after being married for thirty years. In the beginning, dating was frustrating. So, I decided to focus my whole heart on my career, which was more exciting than dating at the time. It's funny, as I can now admit that a considerable part of removing myself from the dating scene had everything to do with fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of not finding someone like my ex (comfort) so I can be comfortable, and most of all, fear of meeting someone crazy.
Little did I know I did not need someone like my ex, and we all have a little crazy in us. Dating over fifty is also understanding it is not going to be anything like it was when I was younger; the choices in men are so very different. Besides, I am not the same person and to make matters worse; I am so dang picky!
After a couple of years of finding myself bored out of my mind, with no social life and not as fearful, I decided to try dating again. I signed up on a few dating sites; this gave me an idea of what kind of men to look forward to meeting. I quickly realized I was not going to find a man my age, that looked like we did when we were in our twenties.
The dating apps were a no-go for me, just weird meeting a stranger online, not to mention dangerous. I let it happen naturally and went out on a few dates; some of these dates were the longest days I have ever encountered. The good news is, once you get over your initial first-date jitters, it gets easier and can be a lot of fun.
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It’s all about having confidence within yourself. I tell people to be careful with your heart and never jump into a new relationship unless you healed from your last love. I have met men and asked the million-dollar question. Tell me about yourself? The first thing they mention is their previous relationship, and I can hear all the baggage through their conversations.
Often, people just need to vent and sort things out for themselves; unfortunately, it could be at your expense. I have learned that you may think you are over a situation until you find yourself talking about that person all evening. It was the same for me until one day I woke up and realized I was free from all stress and anger from my previous relationship; God answered my prayer for peace.
Never lower your standards; get to know the person before going out on a date. My time is valuable. If I don't feel a spark within a date or two, it's a sign to move on. In conclusion, I am open-minded, full of life, cheerful, and very optimistic about finding love!
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Once you get over your initial first-date jitters, it gets easier and can be a lot of fun!
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Hi, I'm Sylvia!
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Sylvia's Dating TipsHere are a few dating safeties that make me feel comfortable while dating:
1. Always let more than one person know your location; you may even go the lengths of having someone check on you. 2. Create a password you can share with your family or friends to ensure you are safe. 3. Stick to the plan; if your date decides to go elsewhere, kindly decline and consider a second date. 4. When planning where to meet, pick a place where you are most comfortable. 5. Always follow your gut and never ignore the red flags. About the Author:
Sylvia is a Deputy Project Manager in Human Services, and an Independent Distributor for Omnitrition. She also mentors young ladies. Sylvia enjoys reading and hosts a monthly club to discuss books. She loves to dance and listen to quiet music. She also loves a good night out on the town that includes dinner and dancing. You can follow Sylvia on Instagram @Ladyaishah Personal photo courtesy of Sylvia Abdullah | Stock photos: Pexels, iStockPhoto
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EDITOR'S NOTE: Many of the suggestions in the aforementioned article might require slight adjustments during the current pandemic. Make sure you are following recommended CDC guidelines and taking necessary precautions with regards to social distancing and face to face meetings.
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